No Shoulder to Cry On
by funngurl
Summary: Ayame is pondering the past when he was sixteen and Yuki was only six. It shows the turning point where things went wrong between them, and that's why there is such a tense gap between the brothers today. But maybe Ayame does have a shoulder to cry on...


**Hey guys! Funngurl here, once again! It's been so long since I wrote anything! I'm sorry T.T So anyways, I submitted this story to Anime North's fanfiction contest 2011 and it won "Best Tearjerker" award! X3 I'm SO happy, so I thought I'd upload it in case anyone wanted to read it ^.^ Tell me what you think, and criticism is still VERY welcome, but no flames please. R&R!**

**No Shoulder to Cry On****  
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**Summary:** Ayame is pondering the past and goes back to when he was sixteen and Yuki was only six. It shows the turning point where things went wrong between them, and that's why there is such a tense gap between the brothers now, but unlike the six year-old Yuki, it seems Ayame does have a shoulder to cry on... Slight AyamexMine.

"Big brother!" squeaked the small voice from behind him. Ayame paused, without a word, without moving, he just stopped walking, irritated by the nuisance behind him, but trying to control his temper. He felt a small tug on his sleeve, as the little hand grasped the fabric of his sweater. Unable to contain his anger, he swiftly spun and slapped the shocked grey-haired boy across the face. Tears welled up in little Yuki's eyes as he touched his sore cheek.

"Don't touch me, you brat! Don't you ever touch me again!" cried sixteen-year-old Ayame. The six-year-old lowered his head, his violet eyes glued to his feet. He turned away from the seething teen and trudged away slowly, sniffling and fighting back sobs in his voice. Ayame stormed into his room, slamming the door.

He was in a terrible mood after a fight with Shigure. Shigure and Ayame almost never fought, but this fight was about the child he'd just abused, his own brother. Shigure thought that Ayame should be looking out for him more, since Akito had been scheduling a lot of private meetings with Yuki recently. What happened in these "meetings" was confidential, and strictly between Yuki and Akito only. Ayame on the other hand, felt no inclination to protect this child. His reasons were logical, standing up to Akito would put himself in dangers way, since Akito was head of the family. Simple self-preservation seemed fair.

Deep down he had other reasons for avoiding the child. One of these reasons was a deep hatred for his father that he passed on to Yuki. His father walked out on the family after Yuki was born, unable to stand the fact that his children were animals. To make matters worse, Yuki resembled the despicable man, from his soft, innocent facial features to his purple eyes, Ayame could see a small version of his father in Yuki. The only thing that really bugged Ayame, was that he knew deep down that his reasons were only suspicions.

To be honest, he couldn't figure out what the feelings were, and it scared him being unable to identify them. He was just, so angry all the time lately, but he couldn't understand why. The fight had set him off, but he was angry before that too, He hated this lack of understanding of his own emotions. He hid it behind his façade of flamboyant cheer and outlandish remarks. That was what people expected of him, and he wore the identity well even though his true feelings were not to be seen.

He sighed to himself, now feeling slightly bad for being so cruel to his little brother. He had a bad day, that was no reason to be so mean to Yuki. Although he felt this tinge of guilt, he had no intention of apologizing to the child. He was likely just crying in his room. Although Yuki was his brother, he rarely ever interacted with him, and therefore felt very little affection or compassion for him.

Yuki was the type of child to mind his own business quietly, trying not to disturb anyone. So why did he have to come to him today of all days? On any normal day he would've been able to hold a civil conversation with him, or at least brushed him off without hurting him. He pondered why Yuki did approach him, it wasn't a common occurrence. Not that he was worried or anything like that, just curious.

The next day, Ayame heard muffled sobs coming from Yuki's room. The door was only slightly open, but enough for him to peek in unnoticed. Ayame gasped slightly at the sight before him. Yuki was curled up against the wall in a fetal position. There were bruises all over his frail body. He was supposed to meet with Akito earlier that morning, could he have been the cause of these dark purple marks covering Yuki's pale skin? Yuki was terrified of Akito because of his violent and mental torture and his injured state only proved his fears to be true.

Yuki heard the small gasp and his head snapped up towards the door and he looked directly into Ayame's eyes for a split second. Tears began to well up again as he shakily climbed to his feet, looking towards the ground as he usually did when he interacted with others.

"Ayame," he whispered, making his way forward slowly, his voice thick with desperation. Ayame stood there, shocked by the sadness and fear in his purple orbs but as Yuki finally got to the door and looked up at Ayame, he closed the door right in front of him, creating a sturdy wooden barrier between them. Yuki did not open the door to eliminate this barrier; there was complete silence on the other side. He never fought or talked back, all he had was helpless compliance.

Ayame didn't want to help this child. He didn't want him in his life at all. He silently went into the solace of his room, leaving behind the small boy who was almost certainly weeping all alone again. Ayame's room was only place where he could hide from the world, and from himself. While going through the motions of daily life, he usually found himself feeling insecure and insignificant. In his room he could let go of those feelings and just exist as a person, without feeling the need to build up, nor tear down his own identity. Collapsing on his bed, he thought of that piercing stare Yuki gave him while he cried in his room. That stare bore into his soul and made his heart ache. The sadness held in such innocent eyes, the pain engraved into his pupils. He decided to stop thinking about anything to do with Yuki and get some sleep.

The next morning Ayame awoke to a commotion outside his door. He only heard bits and pieces of conversation.

"…could he have gone? Only… last night… his room!" cried a woman's panicked voice.

"He can't have gone far… come running back before tonight… nothing to worry about," his mother's voice rang out.

Ayame opened the door, only to see his mother talking to some maids of the household. "What's going on?" he asked as commotion pursued around him.

"Yuki's run off. That ungrateful brat. He doesn't have the willpower to stay away. He'll likely come back when he gets hungry," she explained nonchalantly.

Ayame wondered how she could be so cold towards her six-year old son. He was her own child yet she didn't care about him? Not that she cared much about Ayame either, but Yuki was still young. He needed care and attention more than ever at this age but no one gave it to him. No one. Not even his own big brother.

This realization hit Ayame like a train. He was acting just like his mother towards Yuki. Giving him the cold shoulder, refusing him the simplest comfort when he needed it most. Perhaps he was the last person Yuki felt he could depend on and he let him down, maybe he was the one to drive Yuki away like this. What if he hadn't shut that door last night? What if he'd hugged the young boy and let him cry? Would he still be here?

Ayame finally realized why he was wouldn't get close to Yuki. Fear. He feared that closeness with Yuki because Yuki broke down his walls to his true self. When he slapped Yuki, Yuki had unleashed the anger he'd held inside of him. The fight with Shigure didn't set him off, Yuki did. It made sense now. That's why he turned away the young boy the previous night. He was afraid of comforting him, afraid of getting attached to something, to someone who could take his façade away from him and see his true identity beneath it. With one sad look, Yuki had broken down his barriers, so Ayame had put up a physical barrier between them. He hated to admit it, but he felt that may have hurt Yuki even more than slapping him had.

After getting dressed, he ran from the house to search for his brother afraid he may not see him again. He searched until evening fell upon the city, he had called Shigure, Hatori, and even asked Akito if he knew of Yuki's whereabouts. He looked for him at his all-boys school even though there was no school since it was summer holidays. He searched the parks in area, small shops where a child could hide away, and the public libraries. Yuki was nowhere to be found.

Fear and guilt clouded Ayame's mind as he trudged home defeated in the pouring rain. Where was Yuki? Was he safe? Was he out in that storm, soaked to the bone and freezing cold? Ayame hated thinking of that. He'd never felt as much concern for his brother until now. As he closed the door his mother was there to greet him but not in a pleasant way. She wasn't the type to say, "Welcome home!" with a big smile on her face. No, she simply eyed him up and down and muttered, "Look at you, you're soaked you stupid child. I told you he'd come back but you wouldn't listen to me, would you?"

"Yuki came back?" Ayame asked as his eyes lit up and relief washed over him like a tidal wave.

"Yes! I told you he'd be back by the time he got hungry, you never listen you ignorant snake!" she exclaimed, rolling her eyes at the teen. But Ayame didn't care about her insults. While he usually would've argued with her, tonight he didn't care. He started up the stairs and paused.

Without turning around, he said one last thing to his mother, "Though I may have wasted my day looking for him, I did a hell of a lot more than you did." And with that he left his mother standing there, slightly surprised by his comment, and partially insulted, yet she had nothing to say in reply.

Opening the door to his brother's room, he poked his head in the door. Yuki sat on his bag, eyes glued to the ground as per usual. What was unusual was his facial expression, for it did not portray sadness, but was dull, almost bored. His usual glowing eyes seemed devoid of emotion. He glanced up for a moment, completely unphased by Ayame's presence, then quickly let his eyes return to the floor in front of him. "Go away Ayame," he murmured.

Ayame was shocked by the boys outright demand and slightly hurt from the sudden rejection. Yuki had always reached out to him, but now he pushed Ayame away, just as Ayame had done to him. What hurt more was that he called him, "Ayame". Though this was his name, Yuki had always called him big brother. He'd never seen the term as affectionate until now, when Yuki called him by his name, his voice cold and hard as stone. There were no tears in Yuki's eyes this time, he just stared blankly at the carpet beneath him. "But Yuki, I want to help you. I was worried and-" Ayame started but was cut off by the Yuki

"Worried? You hate me! I wanted your help, but you were mean to me!" he cried, his face now contorted in pure anger. This child couldn't be Yuki, not the sad, quiet child Ayame had come to know. Ayame wanted to believe that this child was just a look-alike, but he knew it wasn't. This was Yuki, and he was finally giving Ayame exactly what he deserved.

"I'm sorry Yuki, I'll do better as your brother, I promise," Ayame vowed with all sincerity.

"I don't have a big brother," Yuki mumbled, just audibly enough for Ayame to understand.

"What are you talking about? Of course you do I-" Ayame started, but Yuki once again interrupted.

"I don't want a big brother!" cried the six-year-old with more rage than a child that age should have. This wasn't the typical "give-me-what-I-want-or-I'll-throw-a-temper-tantrum" type rage that most young children exerted. Yuki had never thrown a tantrum in his life. This was pure hatred towards the person who let him down in his time of need.

Ayame left the room with nothing left to say. What did he expect? Forgiveness? Kindness? Love? He had his chance to be a good brother to Yuki and he blew it. Yuki felt that he didn't even have a brother, nor did he want one. Ayame had never felt such pain as now, when Yuki screamed he didn't want him at all. And as Ayame, once again, returned to the solace of his room, he let himself break down and cry. Silent tears that he'd kept inside himself for years.

He cried for his loss, for his sudden loneliness. Although he had Shigure and Hatori, they were more like friends to him than family, though they technically were cousins. There were still times he felt alone. Like in the crowded house among the servants and uncaring members of his family, he was all alone. Yuki was the only person who had always loved him, regardless of what others thought. But now, the Yuki he loved was gone too. Ayame had no one.

The rain continued to beat down on his still form as he let his mind return to the present. Mine was just closing up the costume shop that they ran together, and Ayame decided to sit outside for a while to think, despite the rain. His relationship with his brother was better since Yuki now acknowledged him as his brother, but there is still a definite gap between them. His past actions had been on his mind all day, taunting him with his own stupidity. Even looking back at the way he acted after Yuki rejected him disgusted him now. Rather feeling sad and sorry for himself, he could have made an effort to repair the connections he'd broken.

Suddenly the rain stopped pelting him, even though it was still raining. He looked up from his seat on a local bench, to see Mine hovering over him with an umbrella. She was the one girl Ayame could confide in, and he loved her dearly, but curse made it impossible to have a loving relationship with her. She already knew of the curse and lived with him in an apartment right above the shop, but he still hadn't confessed his love to her yet, though he was sure she knew and returned his feelings.

"You know boss, you really shouldn't sit out here in the rain, or else you'll get sick, and running the shop isn't much fun without you there," she said sweetly. He smiled at the girl fondly, but without warning, there was a loud "pop" and Ayame's clothes fell to the ground while a thin snake was left where he was sitting.

"Oh Ayame," Mine said, shaking her head and allowing him to slither up her arm for warmth. "No one saw," she whispered as she gathered up his clothing from the wet ground.

"Thank you my dearest Mine," He said softly as they went inside. Ayame knew that with Mine by his side, he could overcome any and every obstacle. Maybe some day, just maybe, his relationship with Yuki would be repaired, and he'd have his brother back. Until then, Mine provided him with comfort, love, reliability, and a shoulder to cry on. That's why he loved her. He'd just have to wait for destiny to take it's proper course, and see what happens.


End file.
